So many things are in my head right now and it's driving me a little mad. Besides the non-existent weight loss, I am really frustrated and feeling so alone. No one close to me understands what I'm going through and all they say to me when I tell them there might be a chance I might not have children is "I don't believe that" or "that can't be true". The worst comment I got was "oh, that's pretty common"....Well, yes it is the most common endocrine disorder amongst women but does it mean it is less important than any other illnesses? My partner and I had hopes and dreams of having a family and now that dream may be shattered. I am exercising like crazy, eating a diabetic diet, taking meds, getting regular blood tests etc and I should feel that "it's common?". Uneducated, insensitive people drains my life.
My PCOS story: In 2005 I was still around the 55kg mark and in 2007 I soared up to the mid 70s. My heaviest was 93kgs in 2010. Right now I am 80, but that's from me dieting like crazy to even get to that number. I guess that's when the PCOS kicked in (2006). My period was VERY irregular and even continuously bleed for a whole year. I went to the Doctors and after an internal and external ultrasound (in 2009), they told me that it's because I have a cyst at the opening of my fallopian tubes and we just have to keep an eye on it. After when I relocated and went to a female Doctor in St Albans (Main Rd West), she disregarded my condition and declined my request of getting a check up ultrasound to see if the cysts have gone. She told me I was obese and she will refer me to a help group at a hospital. I was distraught and embarrassed and just gave up. It was only last year (after feeling pain in my lower abdomen/pelvic area) that I decided to find another Doctor. I finally found a lovely female doctor that happen to open close to my partner's house and she was more than happy to give me an ultrasound referral. After the results came back she told me that all the cysts at the opening of my fallopian tubes have disappeared. I was more than happy but she said the would no one likes to hear at a GP - "But". Yes, that dreadful word that means something else is going on. She told me that there were more than 20 cysts in each of my ovaries. She referred me to the clinic nurse for a blood test. Days later I was clinically diagnosed with PCOS. I was put on Metformin 500mg twice a day. At first my menstrual cycle regulated and I was happy. I did not gain any more weight and I felt really happy to finally have a reason behind all the craziness. But I've most recently hit a plateau and so I had to take another blood test to see if the medication and dosage had helped. I am currently waiting for the results.
Eating healthy, eating less, drinking shakes, drinking diet pills, exercising (up to 2 hours a day), water fast....you name it I've done it but here I still am struggling to even get back into the 70s. I'm just really fed up and tired of trying. Fed up that "while others are making babies, here I am just making cysts"
I wish I am one of those positive online people that writes about how they managed this condition and have a happy story....but no. Here I am feeling more frustrated than ever with no one to talk to that will give me a shoulder or support without belittling my condition. My family and friends just don't understand and they would keep telling me to "just eat less" "exercise more" "get liposuction" ... my relatives would secretly talk about how fat I am and even tell their children to not eat to much or they'd be like me. Seriously?
I'm seeing a dietician and an exercise therapist and still nothing is helping.
I am feeling very down in the dumps right now...hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
